Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
