I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My ass is underappreciated
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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