Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I want her autograph on my taint
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
