I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just threw up on my dentist
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
