Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I wish there were birth control emojis
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You can't just leave with hair like that
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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