There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
