first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
