Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
