chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
