White coat. Heels.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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