First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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