Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
