There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
