We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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