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• (386): View more from Florida

  Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"

  (1-386): View more from Florida

  You're going home with him aren't you?

  (386): View more from Florida

  I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.

  (1-828): View more from North Carolina

  Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  I feel like a drive thru vagina

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.

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• (469): View more from Texas

  Oh. So it is a cult

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Classy

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