So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
