K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
whose parrot is this?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
