I murdered the dance floor call the cops
apparently the secret to your success is patron
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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