Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
