wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
