OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
