I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
