Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
