ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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