marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
