I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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