so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
