There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
