What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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