just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
