did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
