I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
