it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
