that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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