I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
