I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
