She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
