Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
