I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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