between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
