Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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