Kiss
Puke
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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