He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
