Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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