We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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