Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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