That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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