he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
