The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
