My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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