Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
